Winter is Coming, I'm not Ready

It is really getting cold.  I force myself to walk the dog early mornings and he is just as happy to return to bed.  Time to wear socks.

The cold weather means getting clothes ready for both Dave and I.  Such a chore....listen to me.  I am happy to have winter clothes.

I was so happy to hear from my wandering friend.  I was sure he would be homeless but he has moved to the city, found a job and a girlfriend.  There is hope.  He is so upbeat, he never had any doubt things would work out.  When he asked about Dave, I commented how Dave is lucky to have me.  My friend said, and you are lucky to have him.  How true.

A wheelchair Day

I struggle to understand Dave's terrible disease, vascular dementia.  He was not able to stand all day.  I am so thankful to have my sons at hand to help the aide and I with him.

The next day was different.  Dave was able to walk with the walker.  Hooray.  He even walked into the dentist office where I could see Dave was happy to display his abilities to walk.  I am guessing the wheelchair is debilitating so I will ask, "Do you want to use the chair?"  Sometimes he says yes.

With each changing day, I try to plan ahead to be ready for the worst.  I think I will concentrate on a getting a ramp for the two outside steps.  It would be awful to be completely house bound.  One day at a time, sweet Jesus.

Saga of the Dining Room Table Part 2

Yesterday my old table was made new.  My wonderful daughter-in-law to be worked all day sanding the table, then staining it to match the leaves.  It came out beautiful.  Today is polyurethane.    I am hoping it will not smell up the house too much because it is just too cold outside to work.  Who knew I had such sentimental value for that table?  I have had it for forty years so it could tell many stories.

Then, my wonderful Jamaican aide made my family oxtails with rice and peas, potato salad and green salad.  OMG.  It was so good. Life is good if only dear Dave could enjoy it too.  It was a wheelchair day, his legs were not working.

Medical Canabais

I am reading up on the effects on medical canabais with dementia.  There are good reports but it is worrisome when dealing with prescription drugs as well.  For example, Dave takes insulin as well as blood pressure meds.  Canabais would lower the need for insulin but the same goes for blood pressure meds.  It would have to be monitored. 

Meanwhile, canabais would help with mood changes.  Maybe I need it as well. Dave is showing more aggression at times.  If a wait a short while, my old buddy returns.   This is such a difficult disease.

Selfish Care

I attended a support group yesterday and I know this sounds selfish but I always feel better when I hear what other caregivers are going through.  Perhaps it is the beginning stages of dementia that others are struggling with or maybe I have been doing this for the past ten or more years but being a martyr is not the way to take care of your loved one.  If anything, you are killing yourself.  I listened to a wife attend to her husband in a nursing home by visiting him every day and staying several hours.  At one point the husband said, where have you been, not remembering that she was always there. I have come to the acceptance part of grief.  Time to take care of me.

Creative

To be creative with Dave means doing anything to make him smile.  Last night I did not put him to bed early, took the aide home and then had dinner with the kids.  Dave was happy.  He may look like he is sleeping but he is taking it all in and not showing weakness to his family by going to bed early.  PS: my son helped me get him to bed after everyone left.

To be creative with myself means tackling a new quilt project.  OMG, good thing my dear daughter-in-law helped me to figure it out.  "Card trick" is the name of the pattern and it is tricky.

Brisk weather

So great to walk the dog in brisk, chilly air.  I thought I liked warm weather but I tend to be more alive in the cold. It is probably good to just get out anyway.  The only time Dave gets out is for a doctor's appointment.  It is such an effort just getting him out of the house but it is so worth it to see him looking all around from the car.  Give me strength, Lord.  My constant prayer.

Time to quilt

There are a few quilt shows around.  Just talking about them makes me want to quilt.  Maybe I will start a new one today.  Dave speaks very little to me  so quilting is great for occupying my mind.  Positive thinking.  That's my motto.

Tornado, taxes and debt

Yesterday a tornado hit a near by town.  It caused quite a bit of damage, trees landing on cars and houses.  Two days ago I scraped together enough cash to pay school taxes. I should be glad I don't have to make house repairs. Then there is credit card debt.  I am making the effort  to get paid up.  My friend Sarah says to stop wanting things.    I do not buy frivolous things but the house seems to require a new purchase now and then.  For example, the bathroom needs a wheelchair accessible door.  I know the key is to save instead of having immediate gratification... always a problem for me.

And Honey I Miss You

Bobby Goldsborough sang "Honey" and I was hooked on country music.  It was the first song Dave  found to convince me.  Now I listen on "Sonos" and find the memories come right back.  I do miss the man I married but I am glad I still have him.  I guess it  is not good to listen to some music  and feel blue.  Shaemus the pup makes me smile now.  It is a rainy day too.